22. How Men Can Stop Feeling Lonely in Marriage

Episode 22: How Men Can Stop Feeling Lonely in Marriage

Create More Intimacy: A Podcast for Men with Alisa Stoddard

Introduction

Welcome to Create More Intimacy: A Podcast for Men. I’m Alisa Stoddard, and I help successful men stop chasing sex and start building real connection so they finally feel close, connected, and wanted again.

So many men tell me they keep conversations with their wife on the surface — because the moment things get serious, it feels like a fight. That did not start in your marriage. That started a long time ago.

Welcome to Episode 22: How Men Can Stop Feeling Lonely in Marriage

The “Puppy-Dog” Dynamic

Many men unknowingly rely on their wives for everything: friendship, social life, entertainment, and even identity. On the surface, following her around might feel sweet or like closeness, but to her, it feels like pressure.

She’s been reinventing herself in midlife, finding new hobbies, friendships, or adventures. Meanwhile, you’re waiting on her to create all the plans, which leaves her feeling smothered, resentful, or like she’s dragging you along. This is where loneliness creeps in.

Why This Happens

Most men were never taught how to build friendships or nurture their own interests. You were trained to work hard, provide, and stay in your lane. Your wife, on the other hand, had to be social by necessity, managing kids, schedules, and community.

So while she branches out in midlife, you may feel left behind. It’s not that you’re broken, it’s that you weren’t given the tools. But it is your responsibility now to pick them up.

When you depend solely on her for happiness, a few things happen:

• She starts to see you less as a partner and more as another dependent.
  
• Her hobbies and friendships become sources of tension instead of joy.
• Resentment builds because she feels she has to carry you.

The Role of Envy and Humor

Some men deal with this gap through envy, complaining that their wife spends more time with friends, or through humor, using old locker-room banter that feels out of place in midlife. Neither builds connection.

Your wife isn’t rejecting you, she’s rejecting the role of carrying you. Hovering, joking, or resenting her friendships doesn’t make her want to spend more time with you. It makes her want to protect the time she has left.

Learning How to Be a Friend

Here’s the deeper truth: many men don’t know how to be a friend, neither to their wives nor to other men. Friendships in adulthood don’t just happen. They’re built through small acts of showing up, remembering details, and following through.

Friendship isn’t just sitting at a bar watching a game together. It’s about investment, not proximity. Without nurturing these skills, you end up leaning harder on your wife, which only widens the gap.

Quick Gut Check

Ask yourself:

• Do you wait for your wife to make all the plans?
• Do you feel bored or resentful when she’s out with friends?
• Do you complain more than you contribute?
• Do you feel like she’s your only real friend?

If yes, this episode is speaking directly to you.

The Shift: Building a Full Life

So what do you do instead?

1. Take responsibility for your own happiness. Stop outsourcing it to her. Dust off an old hobby, join a class, volunteer, or simply try something new.
2. Learn how to be a friend. Text someone, invite them to lunch, follow up on their life. Stop waiting for friendship to just happen.
3. Bring energy back into your marriage. When you’re lit up by your own life, you become more interesting and attractive. Your wife sees you as a partner again, not another responsibility.

Wrap-Up

If you’ve been feeling lonely in your marriage, the answer isn’t to hover around your wife or wait for her to fill you up. That only creates pressure and disconnection. Instead, start building a full, vibrant life of your own.

When you do, you’ll stop being another responsibility and start becoming the partner she genuinely wants to spend time with again.

Thanks for being here. If something in this episode hit home, don’t forget to subscribe and leave a review. It helps more men find the support they need.

And if you’re ready to take the next step, you can book a free call with me at the link in the show notes. I’ll see you next time.