30. If Your Wife Matched Your Energy, Would You Feel Loved?

Episode 30: If Your Wife Matched Your Energy, Would You Feel Loved?

Create More Intimacy: A Podcast for Men with Alisa Stoddard

Introduction

Welcome to Create More Intimacy: A Podcast for Men. I’m Alisa Stoddard, and I help successful men stop chasing sex and start building real connection so they finally feel close, connected, and wanted again.

You say you want more affection, more engagement, more warmth from your wife. But here’s the real question if she matched the emotional energy you bring to the relationship, would you actually feel loved?

Because what if the distance you feel from her isn’t a lack of love…
What if it’s a reflection?

What if her quiet, her emotional exhaustion, and her pulling away are not signs that she’s cold but signs that she’s been carrying both sides of the emotional relationship for years?

Today we’re diving into what happens when your wife is forced into the role of emotional caretaker, why so many good men accidentally become emotionally absent, and what it looks like to start showing up in a way that creates safety, closeness, and connection again.

Welcome to Episode 30: If Your Wife Matched Your Energy, Would You Feel Loved?

When Emotional Absence Becomes the Norm

Most men don’t intend to disconnect emotionally.
They work hard. They provide. They’re dependable.

But somewhere along the way, the emotional side of the relationship stops getting fed and then they wonder why she seems distant, why she’s not affectionate, why she goes to bed early, or why every conversation turns into an argument.

She hasn’t gone cold.
She’s carrying everything.

She tracks the moods.
She smooths the conflicts.
She keeps conversations alive.
She remembers the little things.
She protects the emotional tone of the home.

And she’s been doing it for both of you.

When you stop showing up emotionally, she starts compensating until she burns out. What you experience as “distance” is often her exhaustion from doing the emotional work of two people.

Provision Isn’t Connection

A lot of men believe:

“Because I work hard and provide, I’ve earned peace at home.”

Provision matters but it’s not a partnership.

You can’t deposit long hours at work and withdraw affection later.
You can’t buy connections with duty points.

When you let her lead the entire emotional life of the relationship, planning date nights, keeping emotional tabs on everyone, noticing when things feel off she becomes the emotional project manager of your marriage.

That isn’t a partnership.
It’s a delegation.

And it’s one of the biggest reasons she feels alone.

Providing for her isn’t the same as being with her.

When She Stops Carrying You Emotionally

Many men don’t realize they’ve become emotional takers, they think they’re “easygoing” or “laid back.”

But when she’s the one initiating every important conversation…
When she’s the one managing all the emotional labor…
When she’s the one keeping the connection alive…

You’re taking more than you’re giving.

A woman who no longer feels seen will eventually stop trying to be.

And when she stops carrying the emotional burden she’s been managing for both of you, you feel the emptiness she’d been cushioning for years.

That hollow space isn’t rejection, it’s the space she used to fill.

Now it’s quiet.

And quiet can feel terrifying when you’ve never learned emotional presence.

Why Her Growth Feels Threatening

There’s a deeper layer most men don’t say out loud:

If she becomes more independent, confident, fulfilled… will she still choose me?

This fear shows up as:

• “Since she started working again, everything has changed.”
• “She’s so busy now, it feels like she doesn’t care.”
• “She’s really into the gym. Should I be worried?”

But her growth isn’t rejection.
It’s revival.

Often she was “calm” before because she was shrinking herself to keep the household functioning. When she starts taking up space again, it feels like distance, but it’s actually her coming back to life.

Your job isn’t to keep her small so you can feel safe.
It’s to rise alongside her.

A strong man doesn’t fear his wife’s expansion, he champions it.

Stop Taking Everything Personally

When your identity is tied to proving you’re worth providing, fixing, solving then her emotions start to feel like criticism.

She’s quiet → you assume she’s upset with you.
She’s stressed → you think you caused it.
She’s disappointed → you feel accused.

But not everything she feels is about you.

She can love you deeply
and still grieve parts of herself she set aside to build this life.

She doesn’t need you to fix her emotions.
She needs you to understand them.

Empathy means:

I’m here to understand your world, not defend mine.

When you stop taking her feelings as an attack, you finally see the woman behind them, not just the emotion in front of them.

That’s where closeness begins.

Presence Over Performance

If you’re wondering, “Okay, so what do I actually do?”
It starts with one shift:

**Stop trying to be impressive.

Start trying to be present.**

She doesn’t want a hero or a fixer.
She wants a partner who sees her inner world.

Be curious.
Ask questions that matter.
Listen without defending.
Stay steady when she opens up.

Connection isn’t created through logic or solutions.
It’s created through presence, empathy, and consistency.

When she feels emotionally safe, she becomes softer, more open, more affectionate not because she’s suddenly happier, but because she finally doesn’t feel alone.

Wrap-Up

If your wife matched your emotional energy today… would you feel loved?

That question isn’t meant to shame you, it’s meant to reveal where connection needs to grow.

Because a marriage cannot survive on one person’s emotional labor.
And you don’t have to be emotionally perfect to start showing up.

You just have to be willing.

If this episode resonated, subscribe and leave a review, it helps more men find the support they need.

And if you’re ready to stop outsourcing the emotional life of your marriage and start becoming the man who can sustain real love, you can book a call with me at alisastoddard.com or through the link in the show notes.

See you next time.