11. Hidden Cost of Overworking to Prove Your Worth

Hey, I’m glad you’re here.

Today we’re talking about something I see all the time—especially in high-achieving, hardworking men.

It’s this constant drive to do more… to produce, to provide, to keep going no matter what.

And if you’re being honest, you probably tell yourself: “I don’t really have a choice.”

People count on you. There are bills to pay. Deadlines. Responsibilities.

You’re the steady one. The provider. The one who keeps it all moving forward.

But what I’ve seen—and what we’re going to explore today—is what happens when that drive becomes your identity.

Because when you believe your worth is tied to what you do, it becomes nearly impossible to slow down…

And even harder to feel good about yourself when you’re not producing.

If no one’s ever said this to you before, let me say it now:

Your value doesn’t come from what you produce. You are allowed to rest.

A Personal Story

 

Years ago, my husband was working himself into the ground. Long hours, trying to be recognized by people above him. At the same time, he was training for marathons—getting up before dawn, running on days off.

It looked like discipline—but I saw a man trying to prove something.

He was chasing worth. And no boss, no finish line, no praise from me could fill that need.

Because when you don’t believe you’re enough already, there’s no amount of doing that will fix it.

Eventually he got recognition—but the pressure didn’t go away. Because it wasn’t external. It was coming from within.

What It Felt Like

 

From the outside, it looked admirable: committed, hardworking, determined.

But on the inside? It felt like loneliness. Exhaustion. Me wondering: When do I get your best?

Because it sure wasn’t after 12-hour days and weekend runs.

And if I’m honest, I didn’t praise him for all that hard work—not because I didn’t see it, but because I felt like I had to compete with it.

So even the validation he did get… didn’t land.

The Pattern I See in Clients

 

They grew up hearing they weren’t living up to their potential. Now, as adults, they’re trying to earn approval they never got.

They’re chasing success to prove something—usually to a parent who never praised them or isn’t even around anymore.

And they don’t know when to stop. Because the goalpost keeps moving.

One client was doing everything right—running a business, providing, showing up—but he couldn’t stop. He was in the room, but not really *with* his family.

His wife told me, “I feel like I’m married to a ghost.”

What They Really Need

 

He truly believed he was doing it for them—for his wife, for the kids.

But what they actually needed was *him.* His presence. His affection. His engagement.

And because he didn’t feel like he was enough unless he was producing… he didn’t know how to give that.

The Real Cost

 

It’s costing your peace. It’s costing connection—with your wife, your kids, and yourself.

You feel guilty when you stop. Like a failure if you’re not constantly achieving.

You don’t know how to be present without checking out. Or how to tell yourself: “I’ve done enough for today. I’m enough.”

Because you’ve never learned how to validate yourself.

Where It Started

 

You were taught:

• Don’t be lazy.
  • Always work hard.
  • Never sit down.
  • You’re only as good as your last win.

Maybe it came from a dad who only praised wins. Or a coach who yelled. Or a teacher who said you’d never make it.

So now you don’t trust praise unless you just earned it. You think relaxing is lazy. And your nervous system is paying the price.

What Rest Can Actually Look Like

 

It’s not just napping or zoning out. It’s:

• Taking your time without rushing.
  • Sitting still without guilt.
  • Saying “I’ve done enough” and believing it.
  • Letting yourself be proud—without waiting for praise.

Rest is giving yourself permission to *just be.*

To show up without performing. To connect without teaching a lesson. To feel peace instead of pressure.

How the Shift Begins

 

It starts with noticing the question running in the background: “Am I doing enough to matter?”

And replacing it with: “Who do I want to be when I’m not producing?”

Because when you believe your worth isn’t in what you do, you stop looking outside yourself for validation. You start living.

Final Takeaway

 

If your worth comes from what you produce… when is it enough?

If it’s never enough—maybe that’s your sign. You’ve done plenty. You’re already enough. You just need to start seeing yourself that way.

Closing

 

Thanks for being here today.

If this resonated, come back to that question: When is it enough?

And if you’re ready to break this pattern, this is what I help men do every day.

Take care of yourself—I’ll talk to you next time.